Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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