If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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