Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
