sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
