So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
