so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
