I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
