It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
