If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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