My liver just broke up with me...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just invented taco cereal.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
