I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
