Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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