I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
