I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
