I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dick very happy bro
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
