Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
