so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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