I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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