i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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