And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
