I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
