You made me cry and you don't even care
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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