Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
