What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
