so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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