Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fuck appropriateness.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
