i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
