She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
