You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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