she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
