Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
