he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
