There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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