I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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