Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
