Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
