I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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