I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
