Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.