so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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