I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner