Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.