Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground