Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?