I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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