i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.