You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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