There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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