This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
