i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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