You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
