U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
