I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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