i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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