Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
