Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
