we have officially lost it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
