Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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