Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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