Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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