I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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