i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
