My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
