Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
