I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
