I looked at my own cervix.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
