She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
