Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
