I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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