Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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