garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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