apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
