Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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