He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
