Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.