I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
