That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
