the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
